Forget fruit. Heidi and Spencer Pratt would rather have a bowl of crystals in their kitchen.

“Fruit goes stale or old,” Spencer exclusively tells PEOPLE in a video tour of their Santa Barbara beach house that previously served as a vacation home for his parents. “This is going to be here for a million years.”

The modest-size kitchen also includes an espresso machine — “Heidi has become a new world champion barista,” Spencer says — a dishwasher Spencer hates “more than anything,” and a collection of Shun knives that were a birthday gift for Heidi.

“Playa, playa knives,” Spencer, 32, says.

In the master suite, the couple quibbles over an age-old dispute: whose side of the bed is whose.

“This is definitely a reoccurring argument, who gets to be on this side of the bed,” Spencer says. “Our babies, our four dogs, sleep right here,” he adds indicating an in-demand spot near the room’s windows.

“This is always my side of the bed,” Heidi, 29, says. “I know you want to be here, but sorry.”

In addition to their burgeoning crystal collection — including the first one they purchased to help with Heidi’s post-surgery pain — the couple also display a custom artwork that Spencer describes as “Picasso level.”

“This is our book, How to Be Famous that Spencer had made into Legos by one of the most famous Lego artists,” Heidi says of the work.

“Best-selling in my heart,” Spencer adds of the book.

And there’s one more addition that every The Hills fan can enjoy.

“This is a collector’s item from our Hills apartment,” Spencer says of a Lethal Enforcers arcade game, which sparked an infamous argument on the show when the two first moved in together.

They’ve since taken their gaming to the next level, though, as Spencer points out a nearby malachite chessboard.

“Heidi’s beaten me once,” Spencer says. “We stopped playing after that.”

For exclusive photos and much more from Heidi and Spencer Pratt, pick up the new issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday